Your attention, please! The Galaxy Express is now departing for Enduring Romance, so all passengers may attend one of the universally acclaimed Cyber-Launch Book Parties hosted by Kimber An!
Once upon a time, there was a Japanese video game titled ZERO WING. It was pretty standard for its time, and would no doubt would be relegated to the forgotten annals of Segadom...if not for one startling aspect. Its "unique" English translation. One line in particular nearly caused the Internet to catch fire. It read: “All your base are belong to us.” (Apparently, this is the sublime phraseology you get when you hire translators who barely know the language they're translating. Go figure.)
To wit:
Now, despite the mangled translation, there’s still something rather sinister about the message—not to mention electric. Seductive. I can feel the excitement...something wildly different is about to happen here! (And I can't attribute it all to the fact that the main villain is named "Cats," either...although that is pretty cool.)
So after mulling this over ("Cats!"), it occurred to me that there’s a parallel here. That line reminded me about one of the differences between SFR and other romances--namely, Alpha vs. Beta heroes.
Alpha heroes are a staple of romances, and they are particularly predominant (pun intended) in paranormal romances. Despite their reputation, these characters aren’t entirely witless...but it doesn’t seem as though they’re particularly appreciated for their intelligence, either. At least, I don’t often see it listed as the number one preferred attribute.
So naturally, one subset of beta heroes I really dig is scientists. They don’t need predatory gazes or bulging muscles to solve problems and win the heroine’s heart—just gray matter and a quirky personality. Sure, they don’t always have ripped abs or chiseled good looks, but that doesn’t reflect in the least on their potential for romance. Some are hot, but others aren’t—and so what? I think scientists are underappreciated and/or overlooked as a love interest.
Never fear, The Galaxy Express is here! Below is a roundup of some snazzy scientist Beta heroes for your reading/viewing pleasure:
Eccentric robotics genius Raj Sundaram from Catherine Asaro’s THE PHOENIX CODE will leave you breathless. (This one’s for you, Patty!)
Sanada San, inventor extraordinaire with a dark secret from UCHUU SENKAN YAMATO.
A computer expert and chess enthusiast, David Levinson of INDEPENDENCE DAY is also an environmentalist. What’s not to love? (I'm willing to overlook HOLY MAN if you are, Jeff.)
Despite his Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality, Bruce Banner from THE INCREDIBLE HULK is a poet at heart. (What can I say? I’ve always thought Bruce Bixby was smokin’.)
He may be absent-minded, but when he’s in love, his devotion overcomes even the obstacle of Time itself: “Doc” Emmett Brown from BACK TO THE FUTURE III
And finally, there’s the shy but brilliant engineer, Brains, from THUNDERBIRDS.
Just check out this awesome (and recent!) video of Brains moving & grooving:
See what I mean? I challenge anyone to show me an Alpha male who can dance with such grace and dexterity. (Wolverine, I'm looking at you, Bub!)
The above brainy ones are just a few of the Beta heroes worth getting to know. Let’s generate a list for current and potential fans in the comment section. And finally, a question: What makes Beta heroes such a great match for science fiction romances?
We’re ridiculously far off from really colonizing other planets, no doubt (and I mean substantially, not a 3-person outpost on Mars). But lucky for us dreamers, there’s a plethora of science fiction novels about humanity populating the universe. Like the Happily Ever After in romance, it’s one of the genre staples.
Now mix colonization with a setting hundreds or thousands of years in the future. Add a cup of catastrophe, a spoonful of romance, and a dollop of mystery and what do you get? The following authors who not only provide a glimpse into what real colonization might be like, but also do it with panache:
Anne McCaffrey is the number one reason why I now love a healthy dose of mystery with my SF. Not only does this esteemed author weave an epic tale about dragons and their riders fighting a deadly force called Thread on planet Pern, but she also integrates a number of touching romances. Then if that weren’t enough, she creates a mother of a plot twist in the later books. Even as I write this—years after discovering the books—it still causes a shiver to run down my spine.
For those of you new to Anne McCaffrey, there are a number of trilogies, standalone books, and compilations in which to indulge. In the FAQ section of the author’s Web site, you can download a pdf document that outlines a suggested reading order.
This series is a compelling tale by one of the masters of science fiction. It explores what can happen when a colonization expedition goes horrendously awry. Darkover is a planet circling a red giant, and it produces uncommon effects on humans as they struggle to adapt to their new environment. The stories explore the trials and tribulations of the characters as the Terran based society devolves to a feudal level.
Each book stands roughly alone, and Ms. Bradley recommends reading them in the order they were published.
Twenty-five first families of Celtic origin, gifted with the mysterious Flair, soar through space to escape persecution back on Earth. They settle on the world of Celta. Centuries later, thirteen royal houses rule the planet.
Political intrigue, betrayal, psi abilities, and the search for one’s HeartMate all add up to delightful tales in a series that drowns in rich imagery and engaging characters. Start this series with HEART MATE.
Now you tell me: If you could leave on one of these colonization expeditions tomorrow, would you go? What if you could never see Earth again—would it make a difference? What personal items would you take? Is there an Earth tradition or cultural practice that you would attempt to preserve for future generations on the new planet?
Robert Heinlein’s 1982 novel, “FRIDAY,” is a big, fat mess. A meandering plot, stuffed with (sometimes very amusing) political diatribes and polyamorous sexual fantasies, it nevertheless fascinates. The world-building is interesting for what he imagines (an elevator to space, called The Beanstalk), for what he gets right (accurate forecast of the role and importance of the Internet), as well as for what he gets horribly wrong (they’re still using cassette tapes!)
But despite its many problems I LOVE this book. Why? Her name is Friday Jones.
She is, of course, the main character. But she’s not human. She is an “AP” – an artificial person. She was genetically engineered, using genetic material from a variety of people. She was raised and trained in a corporate laboratory. As she describes it: “My mother was a test tube; my father was a knife.”
With her superior speed, reflexes, strength and intelligence, Friday works as a courier for an elite organization, and answers to the mysterious individual she only knows as “Boss.” It’s a dangerous job in a very dangerous world. Friday can kill quickly and efficiently whenever she needs to, and it takes all her enhanced skills to survive her job. So far she sounds like a typical kick-butt heroine, doesn’t she?
Ah, but not quite. In typical Heinlein fashion, Friday is really a lover not a fighter. In her search for love, acceptance and the family she never had, she falls oh so easily into bed with just about every half-way pleasant character in the book (and not some so pleasant characters, too).
Every time someone is kind to her she reacts like a puppy being petted. And it takes just the slightest bit of kindness to get her tail wagging. She is a free woman from an enslaved population (the artificial people). And for much of the book, she doesn’t believe she deserves what the humans take for granted—love.
Friday is such a lovely complicated amalgam of characteristics. Her impressive skills, her self-deprecating humor, her sheer neediness, her generous sexuality and her dogged loyalty to those she loves adds up to a fictional character that jumps off the page and straight into the readers heart, where she resides contentedly, happy to be loved at last. She makes me want to write fan fiction. (And boy, oh boy, I’d give this gal the happiest ever after in the annals of the glorious HEA.)
What do you think of the covers? Like ‘em? Hate ‘em? I have a major gripe with the publishers of them. You see, Heinlein’s FRIDAY is, among other, things, an allegory on racism. At one point he specifically details her genetic racial ancestry; Friday looks and self-identifies as Amerindian. Do any of the ladies on the covers look Native American to you? It’s particularly annoying to me, because Heinlein, unusual for his time, went out of his way to include a multi-ethnic cast of characters in his writing. The book is twenty-six years old. You’d think that at least one of the publishers would have actually read the book by now. (OK. Rant over. Thanks for listening!)
We all have fictional characters that reside in out hearts, don’t we? Who are yours?
(Warning: If anyone is tempted to pick up and read FRIDAY, please be aware that the more tender-hearted might be traumatized by the early scenes, in which Friday is captured, beaten, gang-raped and brutally tortured. Some Amazon reviewers were equally horrified that Friday later enters into a relationship with one of her rapists. Hey—I said she was complicated!)
"Well cool," went my thought. I adore SPACE: 1999 and the team there did a fabulous job with a super idea. Later, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. So, like a shameless number crunching Hollywood executive, I had to rush out and greenlight my own copycat production.
Therefore, I proudly present BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS (1980) for an Extreme Makeover! This slice of cinematic swiss cheese has a fundamentally strong story, but the thrift store production values makes it overdue for a transformation. I have a love affair with BBTS dating back to high school. I was too young to score a ticket when it premiered in the theatre, but the film gained my undying devotion during many a subsequent television broadcast.
The premise is terrific: BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS is about the pacifist citizens of planet Akir who hire a band of ragtag mercenaries to protect them from an evil warlord bent on world domination. However, there’s a reason the premise not only rocks, but also sounds suspiciously familiar: BBTS is basically a remake of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, which itself is a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s SEVEN SAMURAI.
It was also written with aplomb by John Sayles, who has brought us sagacious, “important” films like RETURN OF THE SECAUCUS SEVEN, EIGHT MEN OUT, LONE STAR, and more.
Just check out the tagline:
Rebels. Outlaws. Mercenaries. Seven magnificent warriors join to fight the... Battle Beyond The Stars.
If all that seems too fantastic to believe, just watch the trailer:
With a 2 million dollar budget, it was exploitation king Roger Corman’s most expensive undertaking. Does the luxurious financing show in the production values? Heck, no. I did mention this was a Roger Corman gig, right? Much of that money went above-the-line to the high priced stars (at the time), George Peppard and Robert Vaughn. (And Roger Corman was notorious for re-using model shots in other films. For example, set your Netflix phasers to SPACE RAIDERS.)
Corman had vision and an unerring sense when it came to picking talent, giving everyone from James Cameron to Francis Ford Coppola and Jack Nicolson a shot early in their careers. But, visionary though he was, the man was always severely hampered by his insistence on "safe," shoestring budgets.
This means BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS fans had to suspend their disbelief like nobody’s business despite a story whose essence is truly timeless. Since Hollywood is currently on a remake rampage, the time seems advantageous to bring this classic science fiction B movie back to the big screen.
Herewith, my notes for the latest incarnation:
1) Fire Roger Corman
I adore the man's chutzpah and admire his career and appreciate his taste in films. After all, would we have experienced the spectacular spectacle X: THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES if not for him? (And don’t, as I initially made the mistake of doing, knock the soundtrack to that film, composed by Les Baxter. That cat wrought the hippest jungle jazz ever.)
But sorry, Roger. I can’t let you get your paws on my project. Instead, I’m going to hire Hollywood’s new wunderkind director Zack Snyder of 300 and WATCHMEN fame to helm my 100 million dollar version. We’ve seen what Zack can do with sexy Spartans, superheroes, & CGI—now it’s time for him to tackle a science fiction romance extravaganza. (Sure his agent will ask for an insane fee, but let Mr. Snyder add a zombie or two. He'll be happy.)
2) Take the John-Boy out of Shad
Richard Thomas, bless his heart, brought a mix of earnestness and innocence to the role of Shad, the hero who embarks on the quest for the mercenaries that will defend his beloved planet Akir. But the role, as both written and played, is too vanilla and saccharine for today’s audiences. Such a key part demands scrubbing off any lingering scent of THE WALTONS.
Therefore I just requested that the casting director shortlist actor James McAvoy for the role. As the faun Mr. Tumnus in 2005’s THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE, he showed he can deliver earnestness minus any cloying sweetness. But it’s his compelling, darker role in ATONEMENT that will give Shad edge and bring depth to the hero’s character arc.
(And it doesn't hurt that he’s real purty to look at, too!)
(Oops! That would be the Wrong Picture.)
3) Raise the romance stakes
Nanelia, played by Darlanne Fluegel, is the daughter of robotics expert Dr. Hephaestus, an old ally of Akir. When Shad looks the good doctor up, Hephaestus traps him for the nefarious purpose of breeding with his daughter. It’s love at first sight for Nanelia, however, and she frees Shad in order to join him on the quest.
Neither Shad nor Nanelia play too hard to get. I propose changing that. A script tweak could introduce some darker plot twists: What if Nanelia kills her father (to unfold onscreen) while escaping? As violence is against Shad’s nature, he’d have a world of processing to do—not to mention what he’d have to explain to his mother—in order to justify a relationship with her.
Having grown up in an inbred society of androids, it’d make for a more satisfying relationship dynamic to show what Nanelia has to learn about true love. The bottom line is that anything increasing the sexual tension between this pair will make for a more enriching romance. [Edited to add: Copious amounts of PG-13 sex couldn’t hurt, either.]
4) Give Nestor a Borg makeover
Mercenary Nestor is a group of clones who share the same consciousness. Nestor is polite and white, brave and boring. Let’s make this new version sizzle with a dark, messy, complex organism bordering on the phantasmagorical. In other words, lots of ropey, gooey tentacles and stuff.
In this new version, he will be a she—a sexy female space pirate with a lithe body and clingy black shipsuit hugging all of her curves in just the right places. Since this is a space opera, she’ll sport a black eye-patch and leather gunbelt with a sleek vintage pistol.
That’ll deliver a new level of shivers to the scene where she kidnaps Nanelia, heh heh! 6) In: Urban Cowboys. Out: Rustic Cowboys
While George Peppard’s cigar-smoking, whiskey-swilling Cowboy character radiated retro cool (and must have been a nod to THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN), the new version of BBTS has to accomplish more than just shock and dazzle the senses—it has to attract that crucial 18-24 male demographic.
Therefore, I suggest a retrofit of the character, although I’m torn between two ideas. The first would entail altering the character’s backstory. This mercenary would still be a gun-runner, but one who stole expensive artillery from the Malmori, his former employer and enemy of Akir. He’d have a conscionable reason, of course. Having used the goods to trick out his freighter a la Pimp My Ride, he’s now on the run. This element gives him more motivation than Peppard’s Cowboy had to join Shad’s army.
For the actor, I’m thinking Ice Cube, using his character Craig Jones from the movie FRIDAY as inspiration.
That’s one idea. The other would be to make the character a duo. Keep the same backstory, but use actors Harold Lee and Kumar Patel of HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITECASTLE fame. Either way, something will be smoked. Hilarity ensues.
7) No boobs is good news
Nell. Oh heavens, where do I start? Nell is an old-fangled spaceship bequeathed to Shad by his mentor Zed. She’s as much a character as anyone else in the film and guides Shad through some pretty rough battles. I’m all for keeping the name and her salty yet maternal personality, but those obnoxious boobs have got to go. I mean come on, a starship with rootin’ tootin’ mammaries? I’m banishing them to the Phantom Zone.
Instead, I recommend redesigning her with an ugly caterpillar hull. As the story progresses, she can undergo a mysterious transformation and evolve into a beautiful butterfly starship by story’s end. Every time part of the ship alters, it will raise the stakes because Nell won’t be able to function properly during battle or escape scenes.
Now because this is a copycat production, I’m stopping here. As soon as my assistant delivers my steaming double soy latte I’ll ring Peter Jackson to inform him of his new producing job.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. No need to change the title. It’s catchy, epic, and as romantic as a candlelit dinner.
I am, however, instating a new tagline:
BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS: More Battles! More Beyonder!
