Yes, it's COSMIC IDOL! The # 1 show all across the universe and beyond...where YOU pick the winners.
We’re going to be broadcasting all week, focusing on your favorite romantic tunes. Songs that carry such sizzle they could melt the ears off a gundark.
In our first of three installments, we have a trio that’s sure to turn you to the dark side…of love!
Ladies and gentle-beings, please welcome Princess Leia as she gives us her chemically-enhanced best on Life Day! And if we’re really lucky, we may even get an appearance by the embarrassed strapping Han Solo as his wookie friend daydreams about higher-production values past exploits.
And check it out! Ms. Organa spared no expense as she even supplied dry ice. Now you know it’s spacey. Aces!
Wow! Wasn’t that amazing? Let’s all give her a big round of furry robed applause.
Up next, we have a stunning rendition of the STAR WARS theme that’s as rare as an Imperial Stormtrooper actually hitting his target! How could one possibly top the John Williams original, you ask?
Well, cast aside any thoughts of Meco, and please give a big Tatooine greeting to the romantic, disco-flavored flair that is Masato Shimon (and be sure to tell him Jet Jaguar sent ya)!
Our final contestant today also hails from the STAR WARS universe, by way of the Black Sea. Ladies and multi-tentacled sentients, please welcome all the way from DÜNYAYI KURTARAN ADAM, the Erik Estrada hair stylings of…Cüneyt Arkin!
Gasp!...as our hero takes a momentary breather from punching rocks—which explode!—to cover his hands with a red marker. Swoon!...as his platinum blonde lady friend...with some unique ideas about make-up application…looks deeply into the eyes of her love—all to the orchestral tune of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK!
Copyright infringement? Why that phrase doesn’t exist in this universe!
They're all so great! You have a difficult decision before you.
So who has that special something? Whose life will change forever? You tell me as you vote ‘em up or down in the comments section.
Join me next time as we continue another star spanning episode of...COSMIC IIIIIIDOOOOLLLLL!
Tunefully Yours,
Heather
7 comments:
Oh, that borders on sacrilege!
Kidding ;)
Hey, Heather, email me. I think I got the wrong address.
Oh, the last one. When he strapped those boulders onto his legs, I was really praying he was heading for the lake. :)
Oh yes the last one for sure. Love the bolder leg weights!
It's no Earth Girls Are Easy, but it had it's own "hey I made a movie in my back yard" charm.
I had forgotten that whole life day horror. Now I have to scrub my brain with comet again.
The three judges give their opinions:
Clip 1:
Simon: I'd rather be sodomized by a wookie than listen to that performance ever again. *smirks*
Paula: That was soooo beautiful and soooo moving. You are a star. You are beautiful. I love you! *burst into tears*
Randy: Dawg! We got a hot one here! Coulda been even hotter if you had worn the slave bikini, Leia! *pumps fist in the air*
Clip 2:
Simon: I'd rather be sodomized by Darth Vader than listen to that performance again. *smirks*
Paula: Your voice has such a beautiful tone. You hit all the notes. You are a star! I love you! I want to have your babies! *pops a couple of pills and washes them down with straight vodka*
Randy: Dawg! You can sing, Dawg! You're a dawg! I'm a dawg! Everybody do the dawg! Dawg! Dawg! Dawg! Woof! *pumps fist in the air*
Clip 3:
Simon: I'd rather be sodomized by a Turk than listen to that performance again. *smirks*
Paula: *slurring* I love you! Your singing is like...like...like...
*passes out underneath the table*
Randy: Dude! Dawg! This is a singing competition, Dawg! You gotta crack some notes, not just boulders! Dude! Dawg! Didn't you used to be David Bruce Banner? *starts humping Simon's leg*
I'm still having a good chortle over the rocks. Exploding. Movie magic at its best!
Z, ROFLMAO x 1000!
Where do you find this stuff? Oh, and I want to know how wookies evolved to have identical table rituals and manners as your average suburban family. That's what I call cosmic cultural convergence.
Jess
Hi, Jess! As to where I find these nuggets of gold (and as the week passes it will only get better), it's really the culmination from years of subscribing to fanzines like Damon Foster's Oriental Cinema and other magazines that featured every fringe genre film imaginable. Yup.
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