And welcome back to the final installment of COSSSSSMICCCC IDDDDDDOLLLL!
Smirking his way up on stage right now, Captain James Tiberius Kirk gladly accepts his award for his stunning vocals. Of course, you may think he had the deck stacked in his favor—and you’d be absolutely right! We are talking about the only person to conquer the Kobayashi Maru.
For tonight’s epic line up, we’ve saved the best for last.
Flying in from Mumbai, let’s hear a ferocious COSMIC IDOL welcome for…Indian Superman and Spiderwoman!
What villain could possibly stand up to their combined might—or their seductive dance moves? (Cinema scuttlebutt says this may have been a deleted scene from SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, but I have my doubts. I mean really…how could anyone possibly cut this??)
Whallopin’ Websnappers! What a performance!
Next up, we have Jan Terri and her out-of-this-world smash hit, “Journey to Mars!” See! Jan and pals take the train! Gasp! At a slew of mid-nineties screensavers and PC game cut-scenes (hey wait, isn’t that BABYLON 5?)! And point! As they…board the train again!
What can I add? Arriving at Chicago O’Hare was never so much fun!
Our next entry doesn’t have anything to do with SF, but I simply could not overlook this grandiloquent plunge into romantic fantasy. Every romance cliché you’ve ever read, dreamed, or thought of suffuses every millimeter of this mini-LOTR epic.
If you’ve ever longed for Elric of Melniboné to take the mic, your day of wonder has arrived. Elric’s long-lost, twice-removed cousin’s pool guy leads his newfound lady love before many greenscreens...when three witches attack! The situation grows dire as Dr. Doom shuns his kingdom of Latveria (along with his Marvel copyright) and then…uh, something about a sailing ship, dragons, frost queens, alligators(?), and MATRIX-trained dominatrixes—all set against the Revolutionary War taking place in Narnia. (Okay, I watched this thing five times. Let’s hear it if you can crack its cryptic plot.)
But who am I to suggest a little clarity? This stormbringer doesn’t need story structure. He’s too busy leaping off cliffs, swashbuckling on schooners, and taming those angry snow ‘gators. Tally ho!
Finally, we arrive at an entry that’s just so overflowing with awesomeness, mere words cannot hope to convey its galactic resplendency.
Let’s just say that if you’ve ever wondered what might happen if the DNA of ABBA collided with a space station varsity cheer squad–all while being choreographed by a Swedish Stevie Wonder—well, here’s your answer. (And really, who hasn’t lost sleep mulling over that very scenario from time to time?)
Ladies and muck-encrusted, shambling mockery of men…please give your most heartfelt, non-pretender welcome to Armi & Danny!
Ah, Swedish calisthenics in space have never been the same since…!
And so there you have it. Flood the comments and light up the phone lines now; multi-appendage operators are standing by to take your vote.
Until next time, throw me the whip and the...COSMIC IDOLLLLLLLLL!
Vocally Yours,
Heather
9 comments:
Heather Massey I'm dobbing you in for unspeakable cruelty to Skiffy Rommers everywhere. How dare you unleash Armi Ja Danny on us.. just not on. And you posted these knowing full well that I would have to watch it! Now it's stuck indelibly in my brain. I've tried washing my mind out with soap but it's not working, my neural cortex has absorbed it and there's always going to be flashbacks. Bring back the pot smoking Kirk.
I musth have missed the scene from DS9 when Sandy from the holo-novel version of Grease escaped the holo-suite at Quarks and wandered into the Jazzersize class on the promenade.
Ha, ha, Heather! Where do you find these things. That last one made me feel like I'd been transported to the seventies in space. And the final scene from Grease topped it off.
Tears,running down my face. I can't see. I can't breathe! Help!
LOLOLOL!
Jess
Okay, now that I've recovered. I've got a bone to pick. If your goal is to increase the presence of SFR on the market, killing off authors with hilarious Swedish You-tube videos might not be the best way to go about it.
*wink*
Jess
Funny, I just flew in from Mumbai and somehow missed the dancing wonder pair. LOL I'm sure the food I had on the plane was better then theirs, but then anything is better than bugs in your teeth. :-)
I love how you can see their shadows on the "ground" turned sideways as they're flying. That was cracking me up.
Jess
It's evil I tell you evil. And of course I had to watch all of them. Why? Because I'm drawn into these things like a mosquito to a zapper on a hot summers night. I couldn't not know what everyone else had seen. Now I'm regretting it big time.
So, Natalie, does that mean you want to host the next round of Cosmic Idol on your blog? tee hee! I know, this stuff is *bad*! But I couldn't live with myself if I didn't share it with everyone. I have responsibilities, you know. ;)
Jess, you're right...I ought to slow down, especially since you're working on that sequel. But the bad production values *alone* are reason enough to watch!
Mfitz, lol!
Susan, I saved the best for last!
Karin, I'm glad you could stop by, and that you had a safe flight home. I'm about 100 pages into STARJACKED, btw. Tia is an intriguingly complicated space pirate. Good stuff.
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