Saturday, May 25, 2013

Charming SFR Archetypes for the SFR Author By Maybelle

[The Galaxy Express is excited to present a series of posts by a Very Special Guest. Her name is Maybelle and she's here all the way from sweet home Alabama to give us her take on archetypes in science fiction romance. This is the fourth installment of a ten part series. Maybelle's posts will go live Saturday 9 am EST).] Part I Part II Part III

The King of the Galaxy might be the king, but he ain’t the only stud in the stars. Here’s a few more archetypes you might meet when you get kidnapped by aliens. I hope you’re finding my expert tease on this subject handy. I mean, I been getting a few speaking gigs and such now that I’m back on Earth, but they don’t pay as much as being Queen of the Galaxy would have. Dang it.

Type 4m: The Wastrel Brother of the King of the Galaxy Who Secretly Wants to Be King (aka the Charmer): The Wastrel’s real good-looking, maybe the best of the bunch, but watch out. He will sell you the zhilk shirt on your own back and leave you naked and alone at a deserted moonbase. Which you don't even want to know what you have to do to get rescued from.

Do not be fooled. The Wastrel’s smooth as Kryptonian Ex-Lax from his facial to his pedicure. He’s not surly and horny like Dispo. He’s just horny—yet oddly, he don’t put out as easy as you’d think.

He’s down with the Ursa Major Police Force, too, and anyway, he can talk the popo out of chucking him onto Moltar when he crosses the line. That rule about treating the Earth abductees right so they’ll be happy in their new home? Apparently Wastrel thinks it don’t apply to him—or you. And all you did was suggest a really smart plan for everyone to get what they shoulda had in the first place.

The key to the Wastrel is he’s jackass lazy but would snap up the chance to be King. He’d even steal your plan after leaving you on that moonbase! Next thing you know, he’s seducing the King's destined mate so the brokenhearted King flies his spaceship into the sun in an attempt to slingshot around it to go back in time and convince ole Cranky Panties he really loves her. Well, too bad he picked such a stubborn mule for a mate instead of a willing volunteer like yourself, huh?

Splat and sizzle, King-dude!

Type 5m: The Confused Grouch Who Don't Realize He's Actually King of the Galaxy But Was Hidden Away at Birth by His Alien Nanny (aka the Lost Soul): What can you say about this guy? Grouch is gloomy as a Plutonian night and always in a funk. Sure, he’s romantic at first when you crash on his planet in your stolen ship, but then he decides you’re gonna fly off back to Earth and leave him. Which you might.

And why? Most of the time he won’t take you out to the Cantina. He cries when you have sex. He just wants to brood on his planet that nobody else lives on because it used to be a toxic waste dump. If there’s any clothes in his closet that ain’t black and grey, it’s because it’s yours. Except your favorite zhilk shirt that that asshole Charmer stole.

Grouch paints dingle prisms or plays Centaurian uz-guitar or whatever, and he’s broke. He spends a lot of time mind-melding with the glowing creatures that have sprung to life in the toxic dump. Nothing you say can convince him that star-shaped birthmark on his ass means he's supposed to be King until it's time for his book in the series. By then, you're back on Earth fighting the prejudice of the once-abducted.

Next time, we’ll discover whether robots are fully functional on Mars. See you then!

About the author

Jody Wallace writes sf and fantasy romance as herself, contemporary as Ellie Marvel, and obeys the whims of Meankitty the rest of the time. Her archetype is probably the Freaky Librarian. Maybelle's archetype is open to interpretation. FMI &